Exhausted, drained and deflated yet despite having little energy at all, she still manages to rise from her bed. Groggy from the lack of sleep she managed to get. As she stands on the broken pieces of yesterday, she still puts one foot in front of the other, somehow in the midst of all the fog she gets washed, teeth brushed, dressed and paints on that all-important fake smile.
Not only for herself, but for her four young children she is able to feed, wash and dress them all and get them out to school and nursery. Fantastic she has a few hours to herself she is so lucky right? As she gets back to her empty home, still breathless from the onset panic attack from having to go out in public hands all sweaty and shaky sweat dripping down her forehead as she grasped for a breath. She shuts and locks the door behind her and races to get a seat before she falls flat on her face.
Now 10, 20, 30 minutes passed, and the panic attack had subsided. She is then faced with a mind full of racing thoughts none making much sense which then triggers the start of another panic attack. Knowing she needs to get air, she picks up her bag, phone and headphones and heads out the door. She plugs her earphones into block out the outside world and off she goes trying to bring peace and sense into her life.
All she dreams of is being normal, living a life of freedom calmness and of happiness she dreams she can escape the daily hell inside her head. No one on the outside would ever know what really goes on, she conducts herself so well.
Years of all the emotional turmoil never truly understanding why it was happening all she ever knew was living from crisis to crisis always on high alert never fully relaxing enough to catch a proper breath. Her life was full of hurt, pain and trauma caused by people she thought loved her, she knew no different. This was her normal she thought this was true love the best life she was going to get. This was all she thought she deserved.
Deep down she dreamed of something much better. She knew there was more to receive and give. She made the courageous decision to explore this feeling within, she makes what is about to be the biggest and most effective step in her life. She reached out for support she knew something had to change but didn't know what.
At this stage she met her guardian angel in human form. The woman who literally would change her life for the better in so many ways. She was due to attend her first appointment and although, ever fibre in her body was telling her not to go. She arrived at her appointment sweaty, breathless and shaky. It was one of the scariest things she had ever done, way out of her comfort zone, totally throwing herself into the unknown.
Although entering a totally unknown environment with a complete stranger there was a sense of calmness, a sense of safety something she hadn't felt for such a long time. It all started with the usual formal paperwork, literally feeling like your signing your life away. Then for probably the first time possibly the only time in her life she was asked what she wanted, what her hopes, dreams and goals were for the future. Something she struggled to answer. For the first time in her life she never felt judged or wrong for being her. She felt accepted by a stranger was that even possible.
Many will say but it was her job, which yes to an extent is true, however it was so much more in the web of complete darkness of overwhelming worthlessness, unable to see a way out. This guardian angel pierced a little light through in each little chat we had, every call, text and appointment were a step in the road to finding her self-worth and belief in herself again to find the woman she had lost a long time ago.
Right from the start her guardian angel believed in her and slowly but surely, she began to believe in herself. When that final penny dropped, she was at that point invincible, completely unstoppable. She started to share her own story which helped inspire others. Each group, speech and meeting she grew more confident in her ability and in return her strength and bravery oozed out of her. From the deeps of despair before to being able to stand tall with pride, strength and passion. To overcome all obstacles that ever got in her way. Sheer determination to turn her years of abuse and trauma into a much more positive purpose. To never be ashamed of what happened to her, but to be gentle to herself on bad days and remind herself of her incredibly powerful transformation. That on the good days she was grateful and thankful for her guardian angel for showing her, her worth.
She made her goals and dreams become a reality. She vowed that no matter how dark the bad days got and no matter what curveballs life threw at her she would never give up. She had an important purpose to fulfil. It was all made possible by the art of talking. We all do it. We use it every day of our lives, but do we truly know how powerful it can be. A blether to your friend, family member or even a stranger can have an impact on that person good or bad. Thanks to speaking her story, worries and fears she was able to explore endless possibilities.
She started a broken girl; she is now a strong independent woman.